Feeling anxious again
Whenever things pile up to the point where I can’t control them, I just want to completely give up
Destroy it
I don’t want to do anything anymore, I’m even too lazy to go eat
I need to organize my todolist first
[details=“Summary”]
Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety
My recent state has reverted to how it was a year ago.
I don’t want to live the life I had a year ago again.
I suddenly thought of someone in this building who asked why my speaking habits have changed; actually they haven’t. When I’m not feeling well, I like to use line breaks as commas, I just hadn’t taken it to this extent before.
Using line breaks as commas feels like writing in vertical format; does the pain accumulate or cancel out?
Unable to start work
Unexplained tears
A brain full of random thoughts
Work that keeps piling up
Nerves that find it hard to focus
Even music can’t save me anymore?
I want to live meaningfully
I am unwilling to let time slip away day by day like this
I hate myself
I want to change
How can one adjust a person’s mental state?
I’m documenting here, in a very fragmented way, the theoretical skincare and haircare knowledge I learned today
Skincare:
How to hydrate? My understanding of the steps is
Try it when you have a chance
Haircare:
The main reason is that I happened to use a hair mask and found my hair became much smoother, which was a huge shock. Moreover, this effect can last for several days, so a weekly hair mask seems like a good frequency.
How do hair masks, conditioner, and hair essential oils care for hair?
Recently it’s another week of a superposition of wanting to learn and not wanting to learn
So I studied a bit but not much, and played a bit but not much
I originally thought that if I rushed to finish the things at hand, I could then play
But in fact the speed at which new tasks appear is faster than my speed of clearing tasks
So I’ve been slowly moving forward while playing
Come on, faster, even faster
Again I’m about to explode with anxiety
This thread is gradually deviating from the original purpose I started it with, becoming a dump…
It’s not
【Xi’an Jiaotong University 2000 elegant people dancing the penguin dance duet version - Bilibili】西安交通大学2000名高雅人士同跳企鹅舞双人版_哔哩哔哩_bilibili
Is this real? Have any fellow students tried it?
It’s true, I’m in the square dance group. But I didn’t go to dance offline this semester.
In previous semesters I went to dance because I could earn group activity points (the problem‑solving song attribute exploded 
)
True. The first activities began in the spring semester of 2024, with Friday night events organized weekly, and now only Xiaodeng has gone. Raspberry is still a veteran of QQ Group 1 
I’m also a Group 1 veteran 
Wow, I’m jealous
I also want to join; I think these unique activities are what showcase a university’s vitality, not those templated so‑called flagship events.
I heard that clubs here tried to organize it but weren’t allowed
How did you obtain the school’s approval and also provide benefits to students (similar to the “suto”‑type activities we have here)? I heard the organizer is the gymnastics association (I guess it’s just a club as well).
Delete it after all.
I’m not quite sure whether the initiator of this activity is a student or a teacher. Currently, it is being managed by Teacher Yang Guang, who has a gymnastics background (he seems to have related promotional accounts on various social platforms, and this teacher also teaches obstacle‑parkour‑type physical‑education classes on campus).
This can be considered as the teacher leading the team (
Teacher Yang is a faculty member of the Sports College and also in charge of the gymnastics association and these activities
The account that posted the video is Teacher Yang (
He actually succeeded in getting him a popular account; now whatever he posts gets a lot of views (x
Personally, I think the main core of XJTU club activities lies in whether they obtain personal recognition from the supervising department teachers
Whether it’s attached to a college/department/Party committee/Youth League committee.
Recently, in dealing with teachers, I have also clearly felt that
For example, a new teacher in the Youth League committee really wants to create promotional materials that showcase the various clubs’ styles
Activities like square dancing, which are very good for promotion, should get a green light when organized
In contrast, organizing 2D culture/e‑sports is quite troublesome
On the other hand, XJTU’s collective activities have an upper limit of 10 times per year, and some activities can be held multiple times; overall, they are not very valuable.
For
So the club’s funding structure can be so diverse, huh? Ours… well, we can barely get any funding approved 
, it seems most clubs only provide volunteer hours ().
I think what you said is very reasonable
It looks like I guess the teachers here at Shanghai Jiao Tong are mostly seeking stability, preferring fewer problems to more 
I was just surprised to discover that a former good friend of mine was diagnosed with severe depression a while ago (we had already broken up earlier).
Suddenly I thought of a classmate from high school with whom I was close for a period; we used to hang out every day, and they were also diagnosed with depression.
I also recalled another friend with whom I had a good relationship for a while, who suddenly told me they were diagnosed with depression.
I concluded: people who are close to me tend to get depressed.
Then I immediately denied it: this is a hasty generalization; how can a few cases represent all?
I don’t have many friends, so they already constitute a considerable proportion.
What does this indicate?
“He who stays near vermilion gets red, he who stays near ink gets black.” Maybe my own condition is more serious? No, my current mental state is still within a range that can be naturally regulated, not to the point of needing medication.
Well, actually there’s no conclusion, it’s a half‑baked ending, just a vague sense of melancholy.
I wish them to regain health soon, and not only them.
Although now depression has been overdiagnosed by doctors, this thing hasn’t even clarified its pathology (you can check China’s latest official manual), and then everyone assumes it’s a physiological problem that can only be solved with medication, ignoring that its root cause is the specific hardships in a person’s life. Once diagnosed, you fall into this rhetoric, and countless difficulties eventually pull you into a muddy spiral, and gradually you forget how you used to be, only being foolishly happy and carefree.
However, based on your description, they were all “once” close to you. My conclusion is that you are the happy fruit 
, and your former friends, because they drifted away from you and lost their source of joy, were diagnosed; so your current friends must maintain a permanent relationship with you
My summary is that you are that happy nut
I really like this phrasing; after seeing it I feel so happy
Thank you
It seems that if I don’t actively express negative emotions, there aren’t that many negative emotions. They weren’t a big deal to begin with; once they’re past, they’re past. Sometimes recording them actually reinforces their impact on me, because I remember something I’ve written down more deeply. As the saying goes, a good memory is not as reliable as a messy pen.
I don’t want to deepen these.
I’ve decided to change the theme of this thread again.
From now on, this thread will record more of my random thoughts, which can also be considered part of a diary.
Previously, regarding the stacking armor, my high‑school Chinese teacher often said my essays lacked logic, but random thoughts don’t really need any logic, right?
I always imagine the worst-case scenario for something, then worry about that worst case and feel like the world is ending.
Tonight, on my way back to the dorm, I recalled how, in elementary school, I would stay up because I was afraid of doing poorly on the final exam. I would even wake my sleeping mother, crying and telling her how scared I was (back then I believed Mom could solve any problem in the world). She said, “Don’t worry about things that haven’t happened. How do you know you’ll definitely fail the exam?” I thought that made sense and fell asleep.
Later, I still got scared of the final exams, and my mother’s comforting words became less effective. She started telling me, “You’re always overthinking everything; stop thinking so much.”
I understand the logic, but I still can’t stop imagining extreme situations.
For example, while walking on the street I sometimes fantasize that a car suddenly appears and hits me dead.
When preparing for an exam, I always want to cover every detail.
When solving a problem, I also want to understand every nuance of the question because it might appear on the test.
Now I’m reminded of my middle‑school English teacher calling me “over‑pedantic,” which I don’t agree with. My simplest view is: if I don’t know how to solve a problem, I’ll ask until I understand it, and then I’ll get it. So I don’t think I’m being overly pedantic; I’m just asking about the parts I’m unclear on.
Doing it this way does have benefits—learning becomes relatively straightforward (if you master every detail of the textbook, it’s hard to do poorly).
But in the long run, this excessive worrying creates increasing mental stress, and I can’t seem to break the habit.
Everything has two sides; after all, everything was already hinted at from the start.