{"topic":{"id":15298,"title":"圣诞快乐，admin 先生","slug":"topic","userId":425,"categoryId":4,"createdAt":"2025-12-26 01:41:11.369539","bumpedAt":"2026-01-10 12:35:56.158612","views":429,"postsCount":6,"highestPostNumber":6,"likeCount":26,"closed":false,"pinned":false,"pinnedGlobally":false,"pinnedAt":null,"pinnedUntil":null,"isBanner":false,"excerpt":"十二月二十五日是曼哈顿寒风刺骨的傍晚，天色未黑，我却早已没了去处。纽约的雪下得蹊跷，竟带着西安雨季的霉味。大街上挂满了圣诞红绿的装饰，霓虹灯和灰冷的风搅在一起，把橱窗里那一棵棵缀满金粉的圣诞树映得张牙舞爪，连人影子也吹散了。我靠在第五大道拐角的那口蒸汽井边取暖，身后是 Saks 百货随着 Jingle Bells 变幻光影的巨型外墙，机械木偶正一遍又一遍上演着欢愉。我手里攥着一个破纸杯，杯底只剩几枚硬币，叮当，像是为了应和这节日的铃声…","deletedAt":null,"isAnonymous":false,"isPrivate":false,"isMembersOnly":false,"category":{"id":4,"name":"谈笑风生","slug":"general","color":"25AAE2"},"author":{"id":425,"username":"Ogiso_Setsuna","name":"小木曽雪菜","avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/84/e3/84e328169491dbc81e9b54386b259ed63a8e6678875dcf17803ec69c4c25cb99.avif"},"realAuthor":{"id":425,"username":"Ogiso_Setsuna","name":"小木曽雪菜","avatarUrl":"/uploads/image/84/e3/84e328169491dbc81e9b54386b259ed63a8e6678875dcf17803ec69c4c25cb99.avif"},"tags":["literature","christmas"]},"posts":[{"id":69292,"postNumber":1,"raw":"十二月二十五日是曼哈顿寒风刺骨的傍晚，天色未黑，我却早已没了去处。纽约的雪下得蹊跷，竟带着西安雨季的霉味。大街上挂满了圣诞红绿的装饰，霓虹灯和灰冷的风搅在一起，把橱窗里那一棵棵缀满金粉的圣诞树映得张牙舞爪，连人影子也吹散了。\n\n我靠在第五大道拐角的那口蒸汽井边取暖，身后是 Saks 百货随着 Jingle Bells 变幻光影的巨型外墙，机械木偶正一遍又一遍上演着欢愉。我手里攥着一个破纸杯，杯底只剩几枚硬币，叮当，像是为了应和这节日的铃声，又像是自己骨头响。\n\n忽然，一阵清脆的皮鞋声刺破了厚重的空气，像是铁锤敲击在冻土上。一声，两声，直走到我身边。\n\n我抬起头。一柄黑伞在风雪中绽开，伞下露出半张脸--那是 Admin。那一刻，我感到一阵奇异的眩晕，仿佛时间发生了错位，过去的岁月像那个死去已久的幽灵，突然站在了我的面前。\n\n他穿得那样体面，深灰大衣剪裁得天衣无缝，那是为了抵御这世间的风寒而精心构筑的堡垒。内里的白衬衫隐约可见，脖子上打着暗蓝色的领带。他的头发被发胶压得光亮，一身干净得刺眼。他脚下是一双锃亮的皮鞋，仿佛能映出这黯淡天空的光来。他肩上挎着公文包，左手握着一杯热拿铁，右手紧贴着耳朵，正在对着虚空说话。\n\n“是的，是的……Simmons 的反馈还没到……但我必须要在盘前拿到那个新的因子。”\n\n他的声音虽然近在咫尺，却像是从另一个世界传来，隔着厚厚的玻璃，隔着生与死的距离。他目光扫过我，神色一滞。那种表情我认得--那是一个活人突然撞见了一具他以为早已埋葬的尸体时的惊愕。\n\n“……你是……？”\n\n我不知怎么回答，只觉得这三个字穿透了这些年的风尘，像一块冰砸进胸口。我点点头，声音低得几乎没有自己听见。\n\n“哎呀……真是你啊。”他语气竟有些激动，但那种激动像是隔着一层玻璃传来的，听得见，看得见，摸不着。\n\n“怎么……你怎么在这里？”他问。\n\nadmin 的手从大衣袖口伸出来，无名指上的铂金戒指硌得我掌心生疼。他身后玻璃幕墙映出的霓虹，倒比当年交大的保研榜还要晃眼。\"真巧啊，\"他的中文掺了美式口音，\"我在 Renaissance 做 VP，每天从 7 点干到晚上 9 点，干的是人，但也不知干的究竟是不是人。你呢？\"\n\nRenaissance。好高级的词汇。我想笑，却只咧了咧嘴角，没有笑出声。“混得差。流浪，打野，要饭。”\n\n他沉默了一会儿，目光落在我脏污的外套上，又落在我脚下的纸杯里。我忽然觉得那几枚硬币像是刀子，正一颗颗在刺我的脚。\n\n“我有纽约尼克斯的季票，要不要下次一起去看？”他试着缓解尴尬，说着低头从大衣口袋里掏出一个钱包。\n\n我仿佛又看见少年时候的他，拿着羽毛球拍，站在寝室楼下喊：“打球去不？”\n\n雪下得更密了。admin 掏钱包时，我瞥见他皮夹里一家三口的合影。高鼻深目的混血男孩穿着小西装，领口别着 VCA 的小狗别针，背景是中央公园的草地。\n\n他显然闻到了我身上廉价大麻的味道，眉头微蹙着后退半步。\n\n“别搞这个。。。”他有点不知所措。声音里透着一种可笑的庄重，仿佛我们还坐在西交明亮的教室里。\n\n“你真变了。”我说。\n\n“你也变了。”他说。\n\n风更冷了，他从口袋里摸出一张百元美钞递给我。\n\n\"这个你拿着。\"他递来的百元美钞被风卷走，像只折翼的白鸽跌进路旁污水。我们同时弯腰去捡，他的古龙水与我的馊臭味在风雪中绞作一团。抬头时，我看见他鬓角的白发，原来华尔街的雪不只下在十二月。\n\n我捏着湿透的钞票，却像是接过一块石头，沉甸甸地压着。\n\n“谢谢你。”\n\n他点了点头，看了我几眼，像是还想说什么，最终什么也没说。转身就走了，皮鞋声又“嗒嗒嗒”地响远了，在第五大道的晚风里走得格外清晰。\n\n地铁轰隆声碾碎往事，通风口涌出的暖风带着尿骚味。我摸出兜里半块冷披萨，奶酪凝结成命运沉渣般的硬块。远处帝国大厦的尖顶刺破云层，像根巨大的注射器，正将华尔街的海洛因注射进世界的静脉。\n\n那夜我躺在中央公园边的长椅上，风从身边穿过，像一只只无形的手掀我破毯子。我紧了紧身上的破衣裳，把那张富兰克林藏进内衣口袋深处。\n\n又开始下雪了。我睡眼迷蒙地望着雪花，银色的、暗暗的雪花，迎着圣诞彩灯在斜斜地飘落。该是我动身去西方旅行的时候了。\n\n是的，整个纽约都在下雪。雪落在高楼林立的曼哈顿街头，落在第五大道那些光怪陆离的玻璃橱窗上，也落在布莱恩特公园那棵巨大的圣诞树顶端，悄悄积在洛克菲勒中心冰场的栏杆上。它也落在地铁口破旧的楼梯上，轻轻地飘进中央公园结冰的湖面，再往南，又静静地落在哈德逊河灰蓝色、沉默流动的水面上。它落在圣帕特里克大教堂门前的石阶上，也落在伍德劳恩公墓的每一块泥土上。它纷纷飘落，厚厚积压在歪歪斜斜的十字架上和墓石上，落在一扇扇小墓门的尖顶上，落在荒芜的荆棘丛中。\n\n我的灵魂缓缓地昏睡了。在远处若有若无的圣诞颂歌声中，我听见雪花微微地穿过宇宙，微微地，如同我们最终的结局那样，飘降到所有的生者和死者身上。\n![8fc073d3ab58a119a0695e903ef9d03a|375x500](/uploads/image/6b/e4/6be41c9dc907a34cfcec0d4f7812673d1d51c25c0f9d446a0f4ab26a288bca3f.avif)","cooked":"

十二月二十五日是曼哈顿寒风刺骨的傍晚，天色未黑，我却早已没了去处。纽约的雪下得蹊跷，竟带着西安雨季的霉味。大街上挂满了圣诞红绿的装饰，霓虹灯和灰冷的风搅在一起，把橱窗里那一棵棵缀满金粉的圣诞树映得张牙舞爪，连人影子也吹散了。

我靠在第五大道拐角的那口蒸汽井边取暖，身后是 Saks 百货随着 Jingle Bells 变幻光影的巨型外墙，机械木偶正一遍又一遍上演着欢愉。我手里攥着一个破纸杯，杯底只剩几枚硬币，叮当，像是为了应和这节日的铃声，又像是自己骨头响。

忽然，一阵清脆的皮鞋声刺破了厚重的空气，像是铁锤敲击在冻土上。一声，两声，直走到我身边。

我抬起头。一柄黑伞在风雪中绽开，伞下露出半张脸--那是 Admin。那一刻，我感到一阵奇异的眩晕，仿佛时间发生了错位，过去的岁月像那个死去已久的幽灵，突然站在了我的面前。

他穿得那样体面，深灰大衣剪裁得天衣无缝，那是为了抵御这世间的风寒而精心构筑的堡垒。内里的白衬衫隐约可见，脖子上打着暗蓝色的领带。他的头发被发胶压得光亮，一身干净得刺眼。他脚下是一双锃亮的皮鞋，仿佛能映出这黯淡天空的光来。他肩上挎着公文包，左手握着一杯热拿铁，右手紧贴着耳朵，正在对着虚空说话。

“是的，是的……Simmons 的反馈还没到……但我必须要在盘前拿到那个新的因子。”

他的声音虽然近在咫尺，却像是从另一个世界传来，隔着厚厚的玻璃，隔着生与死的距离。他目光扫过我，神色一滞。那种表情我认得--那是一个活人突然撞见了一具他以为早已埋葬的尸体时的惊愕。

“……你是……？”

我不知怎么回答，只觉得这三个字穿透了这些年的风尘，像一块冰砸进胸口。我点点头，声音低得几乎没有自己听见。

“哎呀……真是你啊。”他语气竟有些激动，但那种激动像是隔着一层玻璃传来的，听得见，看得见，摸不着。

“怎么……你怎么在这里？”他问。

admin 的手从大衣袖口伸出来，无名指上的铂金戒指硌得我掌心生疼。他身后玻璃幕墙映出的霓虹，倒比当年交大的保研榜还要晃眼。\"真巧啊，\"他的中文掺了美式口音，\"我在 Renaissance 做 VP，每天从 7 点干到晚上 9 点，干的是人，但也不知干的究竟是不是人。你呢？\"

Renaissance。好高级的词汇。我想笑，却只咧了咧嘴角，没有笑出声。“混得差。流浪，打野，要饭。”

他沉默了一会儿，目光落在我脏污的外套上，又落在我脚下的纸杯里。我忽然觉得那几枚硬币像是刀子，正一颗颗在刺我的脚。

“我有纽约尼克斯的季票，要不要下次一起去看？”他试着缓解尴尬，说着低头从大衣口袋里掏出一个钱包。

我仿佛又看见少年时候的他，拿着羽毛球拍，站在寝室楼下喊：“打球去不？”

雪下得更密了。admin 掏钱包时，我瞥见他皮夹里一家三口的合影。高鼻深目的混血男孩穿着小西装，领口别着 VCA 的小狗别针，背景是中央公园的草地。

他显然闻到了我身上廉价大麻的味道，眉头微蹙着后退半步。

“别搞这个。。。”他有点不知所措。声音里透着一种可笑的庄重，仿佛我们还坐在西交明亮的教室里。

“你真变了。”我说。

“你也变了。”他说。

风更冷了，他从口袋里摸出一张百元美钞递给我。

\"这个你拿着。\"他递来的百元美钞被风卷走，像只折翼的白鸽跌进路旁污水。我们同时弯腰去捡，他的古龙水与我的馊臭味在风雪中绞作一团。抬头时，我看见他鬓角的白发，原来华尔街的雪不只下在十二月。

我捏着湿透的钞票，却像是接过一块石头，沉甸甸地压着。

“谢谢你。”

他点了点头，看了我几眼，像是还想说什么，最终什么也没说。转身就走了，皮鞋声又“嗒嗒嗒”地响远了，在第五大道的晚风里走得格外清晰。

地铁轰隆声碾碎往事，通风口涌出的暖风带着尿骚味。我摸出兜里半块冷披萨，奶酪凝结成命运沉渣般的硬块。远处帝国大厦的尖顶刺破云层，像根巨大的注射器，正将华尔街的海洛因注射进世界的静脉。

那夜我躺在中央公园边的长椅上，风从身边穿过，像一只只无形的手掀我破毯子。我紧了紧身上的破衣裳，把那张富兰克林藏进内衣口袋深处。

又开始下雪了。我睡眼迷蒙地望着雪花，银色的、暗暗的雪花，迎着圣诞彩灯在斜斜地飘落。该是我动身去西方旅行的时候了。

是的，整个纽约都在下雪。雪落在高楼林立的曼哈顿街头，落在第五大道那些光怪陆离的玻璃橱窗上，也落在布莱恩特公园那棵巨大的圣诞树顶端，悄悄积在洛克菲勒中心冰场的栏杆上。它也落在地铁口破旧的楼梯上，轻轻地飘进中央公园结冰的湖面，再往南，又静静地落在哈德逊河灰蓝色、沉默流动的水面上。它落在圣帕特里克大教堂门前的石阶上，也落在伍德劳恩公墓的每一块泥土上。它纷纷飘落，厚厚积压在歪歪斜斜的十字架上和墓石上，落在一扇扇小墓门的尖顶上，落在荒芜的荆棘丛中。

我的灵魂缓缓地昏睡了。在远处若有若无的圣诞颂歌声中，我听见雪花微微地穿过宇宙，微微地，如同我们最终的结局那样，飘降到所有的生者和死者身上。
\n $\"8fc073d3ab58a119a0695e903ef9d03a\"$

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Christmas dinner for self
\n $\"IMG_5823(20251225-220548)\"$

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admin 最近天天连续加班到凌晨快猝死了，现在靠每日一袋稳心颗粒分早晚服用续命中

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新年快乐，可是我最近几年一直不快乐，我已经废了。

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我快乐与否不知道，但是废了是真的。

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