It must be calculated
I sometimes firmly believe that the Gaokao caused my brain to be unable to function normally.
During the vacation after the Gaokao I even had severe somatic symptoms—couldn’t sleep, couldn’t walk, and even now I can’t think normally.
For a long time, anxiety, sadness, and regret burned my brain and soul like flames, so after that I couldn’t view the world and others with a good attitude.
I feel like I’ve been PUA’d by the gaokao.
Every time I go back home I walk near my high school, pause and gaze into the distance, recalling the many moments there from a few years ago, and sometimes I even tear up.
It sounds cowardly to say this, but it’s nice to have a place in my memories that I can return to. Right now I’m living so stupidly and painfully.
Talk about myself?
I was the kind of kid who didn’t study especially hard but still got decent grades, roughly top ten in the class?
After entering high school, math dragged me down terribly, often a 150‑point problem could only get me about 60 points (national 1), and my grades plummeted.
During the college entrance exam, my math performed exceptionally? I scored over 110; that year’s questions seemed relatively easy. Unfortunately, my English, which I usually performed better in, was only a little over 100 
When filling out college preferences, I was determined to study biology, but ended up in an electronic information major, later switched majors. I actually wanted to go to Hunan Normal University / Shaanxi Normal University; my score that year was sufficient, but Shaanxi Normal University’s enrollment in our province was a bit abstract, so I didn’t dare apply 
That year Zhongnong difference three points 
I actually think the most painful part of high school was the second semester of sophomore year and the first semester of senior year, because the
Last night my roommate even dreamed that he/she went back to high school to do English dictation.
I dreamed the night before last that I returned to “To Live”, and even talked with Yu Hua.
I also dreamed about some filial piety, but I think maybe the dream mixed things up; there doesn’t seem to be that in “To Live”.
Speaking of dreaming, I feel like I haven’t had one in a long time.
It seems that around the second or third year of middle school, I gradually lost the ability to dream. Every day I’m woken up by the alarm clock, intense studying, and it’s still the same now.
Sigh, I have to edit the PPT again, and no one told me that a PPT can be sent back for a redo 
Speaking of college entrance exam‑related dreams, I’ve dreamed of being late for a biology exam, taking a chemistry lab, and even taking the college entrance exam on a Switch playing Mario
I have the same schedule, but I get up at six because I commute, and I go to bed at twelve because I slack off and play on my phone.
This is abnormal: countless young people spend a huge amount of time on one thing at the expense of their health, all based on an expectation of an investment in the future, an investment that could be as soon as four years from now. As for what will happen after a few years, perhaps some people don’t care. As for the three‑year health cost, who cares? Nbcs. Then one day a mine might explode, hmm, and then?
I may know that my time is precious, and perhaps people of my generation also think that study time is valuable, but this “precious” time is simply wasted on many meaningless things.
Then, looking back, there is only regret.
Do it again? It would still be the same.
Most standard products produced on industrial assembly lines perhaps should not have self‑awareness; completing one’s mission according to preset programs is the greatest blessing.
As a consumable, after its power is exhausted, it hastily heads toward its end.
YOU R terminated
There were a few months in my senior year of high school that were very dark; I no longer listen to the songs from that time, and I no longer remember what happened.
I often listen, especially the music played in the exam hall during the collection of the high‑school entrance exam math papers:
Small Town Story (pan flute): Xia Zhu – leisure music
Every time I listen it’s great, it makes me not forget that stupid exam.
